Not another soapy lame story!

Yes, unfortunately it is.

I must be a thinker. A philosopher. Someone who always thinks, and when I think, I always think too much. Call me the thinker. It fits me. It is me.

Saw her wear a necklace, the kind (well, actually I don't know what kind) that significant others always give to the other half. It is a double strand (or is it called loop?) necklace with a heart shape on each. It's a pretty necklace. The guy is lucky guy.

Anyway, planning a surprise birthday next week. Shhhhhh.......don't tell her that. :D

This is spinning me head!

Ever watch movies or read stories, heard tales or just been told that there are bad guys so bad they'd kill just for fun? Ever heard of bad guys so bad they kill people just because they don't like the way other people looks at them?

What about bad guys/villains in movies who doesn't seem to hesitate to kill an accountant who stole money from him, but wouldn't do jack about killing other people to take their money? Put it in another way, why the hell are they accumulating money anyway when they can just take whatever they want? They want a car? Just kill/threaten the sales guy and drive away the damned car. But no, they make a flashy show of how much money they have and buy the car! That is so oxymoron! I mean, bad guys are supposed to be bad. They takes things. They don't give them back. They don't pay for it, and yet, in most of the movie villains I've seen, they like lots and lots of money, to do what? Jackshit!

And one more thing, why are he comic book heroes like to take over the world? What's the point in that? I mean why take over the world by killing it's people? Or like in the recent Rise of the Silver Surfer movie, why would Dr. Doom want to take over the world when Galactus is coming in to eat the planet whole?! What is the point? Honestly guys, I have no idea how these freakingly idiotic villains think!

My Freudian take on these? I think that these villains are just like us good guys. They want the same thing we want. They live the same life we live. They want to experience normal life. NORMAL! Hence the money thing. But they just use the wrong method to get the moolah which of course makes them the bad guys. As they say, "It's not where you go, it's how you get there that determines who you are." True words.

And finally, about the villain who wnt's to take over the world by having people killed or worship him are just plain......I don't know, I don't know what to think of them. Crazy perhaps? Stupid? Morons? Maybe. That's what they'll be called for letting a bunch of idiots in yellow spandex kick their arse!

Men

...are creatures of purpose, and sometimes reason.

Without reason, men are simply, not men.

Without purpose, men are dead.

I am without purpose. Never had one since leaving my university. Can't find one. What is my purpose? I don't know for like I said, I have none. This is so very depressing. This is so very educational in a morbid sort of way. I know of this because I looked for it myself...on the island of Sentosa.

Went there this morning t see what the fuss is about the place. It's small. It's boring. It's depressing. That's my take when you go there alone. Sure, I could ask my friends to go along, but who? They have families to attend to. They have girlfriends to accompany. They have boyfriends to pester. They just do not want to spend time with a loser single male like me. That is why I left the island even before the hour is up. I couldn't wait to get home. Home is my refuge. Home is where I lie before the next storm.

Home is where lonely people like me belong. Outside...outside is for couples, families and friends. I have none of them here. Too far away. In another country. In another life.

I need a purpose to stay alive.

Wowwee!

Sigh....another wad of moolah blown on an inconsiderate round of impulse buying spree. What did I buy? My Kryptanite. Books! These are the titles.
See the two extra tidings? The black colored phone is my newest handphone, the SGH-900 (Ultra 12.9) from Samsung. Surprisingly, it is a good phone, function-wise, and content wise. However, the slider suffers from...sliding finger holds. How ironic.

And the silver colored flip-open is my one and only electronic dictionary, without which my life as a serious Japanese Language learner will be compromised.

Nice aren't they? Cost me a bomb. They better be worth it...and they are! :D

Confidence

It's a nasty word...for some anyway. For me...it is. Hahaha.

Let me tell you what happened...or didn't happen. Yes, this is yet another one of those boring stories of mine which more often than not really happens to me. So sue me because my life is so boring! :p

I just got back from work today, and I got me thinking, it's been a long time, a few days (I think), and I wanted to ask my friend out for a little dinner. Not tonight of course, but sometime down the weekend. But just as I was ready to dial her number, my fingers stopped in mid air, and I wonder to myself, "How should I sound across to her? Confidant? Reluctant? Expectant?" I answered myself, "With confidence of course!". This got me thinking into how or what should I say to pass me off as confident sounding, and I drew a blank.

If somebody on the street asked me what is the meaning of confidence, I'll laugh, look him in the face, and then just go blank, because I just realized, I have no idea what it means! Sure, I know it means something like believing that you are correct, or very sure you will win something or not afraid of the situation or something like that; but that didn't tell me what confidence mean. If I don't know what confidence mean in such a general sense, how could I be expected to be 'confident' when I'm talking to a women? Which, by the way, is the reason why I brought this up. And the question that brought this up will be revealed.....

Back to my story, what did I do? I SMS my friends, and to be fair in the assessment, I asked two of my female friends, and two of my guy friends. Three replied...hmmm, goes to show how important my SMS is to them...

Anyway, one of them replied something like these:
It mean don "uhhmm", no "uhh", no pauses in between, no eye looking elsewhere, don "ehh", sort of like tat la :), big body language mostly...

Well...do YOU know what he meant? I do...up until the "uhh" part. Beyond that, I have no idea.

So, from a women's perspective, what does being confident mean? By the way, the question I posed them was; "People say that when you're talking to a women, they like guys who are confident. What do they mean by this, 'confident'?"

Your take?

Well

Well...all is well. Nothing to report. Oh, except for one small detail. Watched Shrek 3, Ocean's 13 and Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. All in all, Fantastic 4's the best.

So Happy!

I am so happy today. :) I got my exam results yesterday and I was smiling all night long. That was why I didn't tell you the good news then. Hahahahaha. So happy. Below are my results.

Hehehe, see me? No bad isn't it? 46 out of 200++ students. Not the top 10, but still, I did pretty. well...for a beginner. :D

Finally, I can start to pull myself off this sinking feeling ship. Wish me luck, and better yet, give them to me. :D

So nervous!

Oh no! Tomorrow is the day! So nervous I could hear my teeth clattering...and spoiling my fillings.

Yeah, the big day...well, at least for my Japanese Language course; the day the results are released. Really very nervous. Crossing my fingers! Crossing my toes! Crossing my tongues! Crossing my eyes! Cross-...waitaminute! I only have one tongue! Uncrossing my tongue.

*Deeeeeep breath!

How will I fare? I hope I do alright! Oh man, I am so gawd-damned nervous! I don't think I could wok tomorrow. Urghhh! I wanna throw up.

...

...

I'm gonna go throw up now. 'nite.

What did I do wrong?

Saw her online just now. On MSN. Messaged her. Waited for half and hour. No reply. Then pooh, offline. Sad? Of course I am!

Saw my friend online on MSN just now. Messaged her. Chatted for five lines...then stopped. Asked one question. Never reply. Half and hour later, typed "Oklar, good nite then." Instant reply, "Nite."

I mean, what the hell?! Is there really a need to ignore me until this extent?

It is short...deal with it!

And I have dealt with it...not one minute ago. I called my friend up, and asked her out. Though she gave me a non-committal answer, it's okay. I'm good. I still don't have a clue about T-sensei though. But fret not, this Wednesday, results will be out. Let's see what hand fate decides to play.

I challenge thee!

What a waste

My life is a complete waste. 3 years at the same company and I can't even get a decent salary. Not to mention that I'm twenty-seven and still very much single. Sigh...curve balls...I hate them when life throws one at me.

I don't even know what I'm good at! Except maybe talking about myself...Is that even ego? 'ya think?

Life's short, live it...








Indeed.

Weekend

Like water said..."Nothing like a bored weekend."

Yeah, I concur, nothing like a bored weekend. Which brings me to another point. Next month, there will come a time when I could have a chance to play tour guide to several Japanese students. I might have told you this, but I do not know if I should sign up to guide them. One biggest barrier is the language problem. They will struggle to speak English as that is the language they're learning, while I on the other hand will speak Japanese with them, in an effort to master Japanese. Looking at this case, wouldn't there be a conflict of language?

Anyway, one of my acquaintance has signed up. Maybe I should sign up as well?

Technology

First before other, I found out why I was so down this morning, and incidentally last night. Friends I made in class. Apparently, they are just, how do they say it in English, classmates? Friends during class, but after class, fly away. There seems to be an equivalent English phrase describing a similar situation, but applies to couples...what was it.....?

Back to topic, when I was a kid, roughly six or seven, my brother and I would sneak into our parent's room; quietly while they are still sleeping; in the morning, pick up my father's watch on the bed side, and play with the stopwatch mode. I remember that I don't know what I should push to get into that mode, so I just press randomly, until I see some changes, and voila, I'm there. Therein, I start the watch, stop it, start it, stop it just for the fun of it. My brother just stays there looking at what I did, probably fascinated by my cleverness in manipulating the watch.

Now, it was a time when I did not know of the concept of reset, and so, at the first stirring of my father, I just stops the watch, put it down on the stand, and sped out of the room with my brother giggling behind me into our room, dive into our bed and pretend to sleep. Our mattress would shook because we were struggling to contain our laughter. :D

Anyway, the point of this story is, the next morning, when we went to play with the watch again, imagine our surprise then when we found that the stopwatch has returned to zero, and that we I had to find the stopwatch mode yet again, even though I distinctly remember its still in stopwatch mode. It was magic. That's what we thought then.

Now I know better. But how many of us, without being exposed to modern marvels will characterize these modern marvels as magic the first time we observe them. Popular media such as television shows has a saying to this effect; "Any sufficiently advanced technology will be seen as possessing of godly powers and magic to those who do not understand them." That is what I'm getting at.

In this fast paced world of ours, will we see some technology so advanced it seems magical in operation? Are they here now?

ねむいではありません。

I can't sleep. I don't know why. What time is it now? One thirty in the morning? And I can't sleep! Something' definitely wrong with me.

Why does women has such control over men, and yet claim men are manipulative, I'll never know. I was never in the position to ask one. Sigh.....たかまつせんせい、どうですか。

:_(

Massacre

It was a massacre! Today's oral test was a massacre, not only in the spirit of the word, but in emotion as well. But overall, I did pretty good, and I am confidant of a passing grade.

However, this is not why I am feeling so down right now. Yep, it's about her again. Apparently, I do not rate very high in her opinion of me. All these while, it was I who thought she had a resemblance of feeling towards me; I am wrong. She has neither. She didn't run scared because of my advances last week. She was already running scared since the first time we went out. :-( This is truly depressing. And I disillusioned myself into thinking I might have a glimmer of hope with her.

Class is over. Exam done. And I don't have a way to contact her. Neither do my friends. I only got her email. But it's too impersonal, and she does not know my address. Today is a sad day; for more than one reason. The thirteenth will also be a sad day. Test scores will come out that day. Will I be as disappointed in my ability (or non-ability) in judging peoples' feelings? Time will tell...which just means, I'm running out of it.

むずかしいね！

It was hard. Very hard. My head was filled with perspire. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering even though I gave them enough to last three lifetimes. The exam came; the exam nullifies; and the exam decapitates my heart right off the vein! It was so damn hard! Arghh!

Even after the exam, I had one reaction that for normal people would only occur BEFORE an excruciatingly painful exam; the urge to throw up! YES! I was feeling like throwing up! I don't know what the heck happened to me, I just feel like throwing up. Even go so far as the toilet bowl waiting for the dinner to come up. Lucky for me, it didn't feel like making the trip. But it made me queasy after. Man, talk about morning sickness!

On another note, another useless updates on the status of the courtship. She totally ignored me today. :( Not that she sees alot of me tonight with her invigilating a different class and all, but when we left, she passed by me without even giving me a glance! Sigh...what is there to do? First the exam totally threw me out of whack, leaving me doubtful I will get a good score, and now 'that' had to happen. Maybe Evee was right; she's a Japanese. I'm a Chinese. Water and oil. Never mixes well.

Two days to go. We'll see.

So hard!

Do you know the method to learn a language fast and effective? Total immersion training. It means that you immerse yourself in the life of the language you want to learn. For example, you can't really learn English if you live in say, Egypt. They may have the best English language teacher in the world, but it all means squat if you do not use it, which is highly unlikely in Egypt. However, if you're in England for example, learning English will be more effective and faster because you are forced to utilize it or perish.

Thus is the case for me. I am currently learning Japanese. And I can't learn it properly unless I immerse myself in Japanese life. Ergo, I need to go to Japan and live there for at least a few months. Since I can't just leave my home here in Singapore now, I must do the next best thing; getting Japanese friends. There will be one chance when my language school has an exchange program with its counterpart in Japan. Several Japanese students will be here on tour, and there are in need of tour guides. Could this be my chance to polish my rusty beginner's Japanese?

Another strategy I'm adopting, or rather try to adopt is listening to native Japanese speakers speak...24 hours a day. How? Listening to their radio broadcast. Sadly I have yet to find online any radio station from Japan that does live Internet broadcast or streaming. At most I've found a few with prerecorded talk shows, and the rest are all music broadcast based. I want...no, I need for them to be talk radio. Talk show radios where people talk and talk and talk. Sigh...a little help?