Was it lucky or unlucky?

Jerry, you said it's lucky of me because I have not started on the road yet, so, this hurt is just transient. It implies that IF I did start, then the hurt will be harder hitting...right? Hmmm...in a way, it's logical, and on the other hand, it totally ignores the point that, "To have been loved once is better than to not have been loved at all."

But, I concur, the hurt would be so much more the harder. But now, I'm okay.

My father called me the other day telling me to go home. He said that there's a girl he wanted to introduce to me. Sounds like an arranged meeting with the ultimate end of marriage. I know I'm relatively desperate, but this? This is just too weird! I know Japanese still does it, but heck, I'm not used to this man!

Crash and Burn!

It is truly a case of crash and burn. She rejected me...as I expected. Well...can't hurt to try actually. Now, I can forget about her and concentrate on someone else. Hmm...I must have not liked her as much as I thought I did...because I'm not feeling much sadness at all. Disappointing and surprisingly uplifting at the same time. Weird.

Crash and Burn...ing?

I don't know. I don't know what is her response. :(

I went to class, and the flower was delivered between 1430-1730. So logically, by the time my class starts at 1920, she would know about it, and I thought maybe I might be able to see some sort of reaction. Nada.


Class starts and ends pretty much normally with me still goofing around. By the end of class, I wanted to stay back and ask her out tomorrow, but...the other students has other ideas, and managed to draw out the time they spent with her, and shortening the time I have to talk...which was none at all. The office clerk was ushering us out of the class then. Sad...sad...

So what am I to do? Please tell me. I've sent her flower, but what this means...I have no idea. A dozen of roses will lose to a single sunflower? How so? It this romantic? I have no idea. Enlightenment please!

There...

There...I've done it! I've sent her a bouquet of flowers, aptly called Love Declaration.

Here is a photo.
I hope she likes it and give me a favorable response. Which I should be able to know...tomorrow.

Shashiburi

Yep, it's being a long time. But here I am with another ranting.

Remember when I told you guys about a date I arranged with her? And she said she would like to bring a friend out together? Well and it turns out she didn't, and I did? Come to think of it, it was stupid of me. Maybe, in hindsight, that the fact I asked a women out, plus the fact that I said "If I am alone with you, I wouldn't know what to talk about.", could the the roadblock that makes her think I am not confidant and hence decided I am not worth her time. In hindsight, in hindsight...I come to think that as true. It's so logical. After that night, her attitudes towards me was so different. I'm saying now, "Hot damned! I'd had a chance and I blew it!"

Now, according to the latest rumors, she is seeing someone else. Someone who celebrated her birthday, just the two of them. But there's no rule saying you can't ask her out now that she's seeing someone else is there? I will try to ask again...and again, until she tell me point blank that my advances are not welcome. Come to think of it, nothing ventured, nothing gained. On Singapore's National Day...we will go to dinner. Sushi. Nice.....

I wonder what will happen on that night...

Quicky

A quick posting...again, before I go out to play.

Yesterday, I almost died. Well...not exactly as I am not really that near to the place of incident. However here's what happened.

We were preparing to hoist a piece of equipment for repair purposes when suddenly, the strap we used, a cloth type (maybe it's a fibre, I don't know) of strap just give way and snapped! I was standing 2 meters away. At first I do not know what the heck happened. When I heard a loud noise, and saw the metal cradle supporting the equipment just swing wildly, I thought I was going to hit me! Lucky for me, it just hit some pieces of machinery nearby. Since there are two locations for the straps, one where I'm sequestrated to monitor, and the other one 2 meters away, I thought the one that broke is on my side. And the strap on my side is metal! If it breaks...bye-bye neck. Hello underworld!

Well...not really a comprehensive audit of what's going on...but luckily, no one was hurt. This getting hurt at work things is really starting to get on my nerves.

Arghhh!

I don't know. I really don't know. Here I am, in front of my computer, with nothing to do! Can you believe it? Nothing to do!!!

It's not like I've finished playing all my games. There are like six games sitting on my desktop, waiting for me to play them. Begging me to play. But It's just, when I look at them, they don't look too appealing. Then I thought why not go out for a while, someplace where there's lots of people milling about, and I did that, well, almost. I mean I got my cloths changed, my shoe's on, and I'm out of the house walking towards the bus stop, but then, inexplicably, I thought of how depressing it would be, not to mention how humiliating it would be for me to sit alone one a bench biting into my burger gawking at couples and families and groups of friends passing me by in Orchard Road. It would be devastatingly depressing. I shouldn't even be so depressed! I'm not even sure why am I so depressed.

Okay, maybe it's too strong a word, but hey, nothing catches my interest, and so many things interests me! Lil, yes, you Lil, you said that be courageous, I am positively trying really hard. Am I supposed to do something when she is busy prepping for a major exam? It's sad yes...I'm sad, also true. I'm blabbering, I know. I'm a sad excuse for a guy, don't I know it! I keeping mopping up the floor...trust me, no one knows more about being just a mop up than me. That's what I hate about myself. :(

Let's see, positive thoughts...not working. Positive attitudes...not working. Whining...ingratiating. Typing out my thoughts and feeling...passes time. Working out a solution to my conundrum...I don't even know where to start! Sure, start by telling her straight up, but a dozen voices will say "NO, start by being friends first!". Which is what I have been doing for the past half year! And it is clearly not helping improve my situation! :_(

I...I just do not want to be so alone...hard to be alone when everyone around you are...have someone but not you...even friends...they have their own life...it's...sad...

It is so hard ya' know?

Well...it's another boring Sunday afternoon...reminds me of the Lemon Tree song...anyway, as I was saying, it's just another boring Sunday afternoon, with nothing to do and clouds in the sky. It's almost dinner time and she has yet to call be back...not that she has a reason to call...call me good-for-nothing-waiting-by-the-phone-for-it-to-ring kind of guy...but who cares?

After the successful party we had last Thursday,...nothing happens. Oh yea, she emailed me to thank me and all, but it just felt so empty. I got nothing to do today, or tonight for that matter and I thought I'll just ask my classmates out for dinner. Big surprise they didn't reply. Go figure! SMS only already so hard to reply. I wonder what would happen if I called?

Right, so here I was typing this stupid entry which I have no idea what is it about at all, hoping or rather wistfully thinking of calling her up, no, not her, her;my classmate! and a few others to come out of their beady little room and into the streets to eat of all things, dinner! 'Cos what we need is more than just class interaction, and talking about Japanese language this and that is fascinating I'm sure, but talking about something other than that is...phenomenally more interesting, don't you think so? I mean, my colleagues and I can talk about anything, debate about everything, and arguably, argue about something under the sky whenever we're together...which is basically everyday, so I ask you, why can't when we (as in the classmates and the teacher...oh so pretty!!) ever meets, we only talk about mundane class stuffs?

This bugs me. >.<

Quick Posting

Thought I'll make a quick posting this morning. About something called Omega Point.

According to Wikipedia, Omega Point;

"describe the ultimate maximum level of complexity-consciousness".

An evolution process that converges on a final unity the body and mind.

Simply put, it means that we (in this case, humans) will evolved to be so advanced that the fundamental laws of nature can be manipulated by the mere assertion of our mind, just as we manipulated electricity by the mere flick of a switch. It is the final destination where even transcendence is but one step in the right direction.

Are we there yet? Not yet we are not. I'll tell you more when I've finished watching Stargate SG-1.

Party!!!

Well...it's not exactly a party to brag about, but we did good by bring a huge smile into her life tonight. True that we can't manage to get her out for supper after class, but hey, she is happy, who am I to complain?

But I am curious as to the identity of the mysterious people who manage to 'caught' her attention, and go out with. Crossing my fingers they're not guys! I can't stand competition...not over her!

Anyway, I can't really show you guys any picture of her, since I do not have her permission to post it up, but I do have a photo of the cake we brought! Eat your hearts out baby!

Ahh...

I got something to type, but for me to write it here, now, would be very long in coming, because it will be quite long. So, I will dwell on another aspect of life...birthdays. :D

This Thursday, my lovely teacher, T-sensei will celebrate her birthday! Yatta!!! And we, meaning a couple of my friends in class, plans to celebrate with her...in class. We have put in an order for a cake, a Blackforest type cake. Quite pretty. Quite...cute if I might add. A bit on the upper range, but hey, if it's for a teacher this pretty, I'm even willing to spend more! She is worth it! :D

I think, no...I feel, Thursday night would be a good time to ask her out again. I plan to take her out for sushi...along with several of my classmates. We have been planning this for quite sometime now. :)